Parently control by dating us
Those kinds of statistics haven't gone unnoticed, so it's not surprising that there has been an increasingly vocal group challenging parents to change their ways, among them David Code, an Episcopal minister and family coach.
In his 2009 book, Code writes, "To raise healthy kids, simply put your marriage first and your children second.
It's a tough, passionate time for hormonal adolescents, and when they arrive home from school, they need to unwind.
I wouldn't want to admit to doing that too loudly at the next PTA gathering.(Allison Terry / Chicago Tribune) If you enter two rooms of Candice Blansett-Cummins' otherwise immaculate home, you might need a mask to disguise the smell, along with some anti-bacterial soap.That's because Blansett-Cummins is the mother of a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old, and she's learned to choose her battles."It didn't make any sense to argue with them and make them clean it just to make it fall back apart again," Blansett-Cummins said.Blansett-Cummins said, "It didn’t make any sense to argue with them and make them clean it just to make it fall back apart again." (Allison Terry / Chicago Tribune)It's a very quick and emotional transition from being a child to becoming a tween and then a teen, and parents aren't used to giving up the control they had over their kids, which is commonly the source of the majority of the arguments, said Dan Griffin, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescents and family therapy."Parents have a hard time making the transition from the preteen years, where it has been more helpful to be hands-on, toward increasing autonomy and stepping back," Griffin said.If parents aren't anticipating their children's need for autonomy, they might perceive it as disrespect or lack of control, and this sets up a bad dynamic between the teen and the parent, he said."They get more controlling, and there's a dance of the clamping down and the resistance," he said.