Gender roles and dating
“Fear of abandonment” sounds pretty negative - but really it’s just a healthy need for connection.
Likewise, “fear of inundation” is just a healthy need for space.
When it came to “that time of the month,” I was always blaming my sensitivity or moodiness on it [side note: Hormones and mood changes in women with menstruation is a GREAT example of where the issues of institutionalized oppression and some of my points meet. The amount and way I ate food was always something I felt was inappropriate for being a girl.
Those are just a few examples - but these seemingly little rules and expectations I adopted really fucked me up in some pretty big ways in relationship.
There’s all kinds of gender and sex-informed rules for dating - and if you’re still following them, you may be single because of it.
The point of this was to explain to Casey that since every person’s need for connection or space is different, it’s important to simply ask the individual about it.
For someone who needs space - it might be a turnoff to get rapid fire texts the morning after hanging out.
For someone who needs connection - it might have them totally turned on, giddy, and bantering back and forth for hours.
If you're starting to read this and are already thinking: "Spiritual bypass, Kendra!
" - please do not mistake what I'm saying as "Men and women are the same / equal." I am not saying that. And I am not denying the differences that have evolved because of it.
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Her longest “relationships” were just a handful of dates.